Monday, December 22, 2014

Accepting the Insatiable Appetite

Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Snacks. That's the official eating plan in the minds of most Americans. And, usually, that's what my tummy also likes to stick to. Except on days like these.

B-days. Not birthdays - back hole days when all my stomach wants is this, that and a bucket full of everything (gluten free) within a thirty mile radius. 

Though I'd eat a birthday cake too...
Sometimes, it's easy for me to throw a temper tantrum at my own body. Just a few days ago, I called Mom crying as I stared at the beyond-bloated tummy in the mirror. And, a day into unstoppable hunger, it's easy to think back at all the snacks I've stuffed in my face and worry. 

Is this normalEating half of my dinner at 2 in the afternoon after scarfing down 3 pieces of a pizza only an hour before? Girls around me tend to go hours between meals - and sometimes I can do that too. But other times, I feel like the Cookie Monster has snuck into my body and chosen to stay. 

All the delicious noms!
Is this healthy? I know it's good to gain weight - I've dreamed of budging the scale's arrow for almost a year now. But, the sudden gain of the Freshman 15 is still shocking. I like being healthier, but no one enjoys losing a favorite pair of jeans to a too-tight waistband. I'm happy with the changes, but it still takes time to readjust to the new Casey in the mirror. 

Is this permanent? This is one question that has popped up time and time again since Celiac and Casey first met. Will I never be able to eat gluten? Yep. What about dairy? Maybe. Will I gain weight? Eventually.

As I nibble on the sweet potato wedges designated for dinner and finish off the Coconut Greek yogurt can chilling in the fridge, I try to treat that question as I've treated all the others.

Some Instagram inspiration!
With patience, knowing that, just like with all the other forms of healing from celiac, regulating my appetite will take time. 

With acceptance. Yes, sometimes my hunger isn't "normal." Yes, some days I'll eat a ridiculous amount of food. Yes, I'm finally gaining health and weight and all the changes in body image that go along with those. 

And, most importantly, with hope because this is me. This is my body working its hardest to heal, strengthen and transform into a kick butt machine. (Cause isn't that what every little girl wants to grow up to be?)  

I'm finding my Yoda powers
So, yep, this is my third bliss ball today. After the banana nice cream and pound of toppings breakfast, pizza lunch, yogurt, and baked fries snackage. All before dinner. Looks yummy, don't it? 



Do you ever have days of never-ending hunger? How did you learn to trust your body's hunger cues? Comment below! 


6 comments:

  1. Hi Casey, SO SO SO HAPPY to see you doing so well!
    NOW, I sometimes suffer from insatiable appetite, but not as much anymore.

    When I used to be extremely sick/have flare ups/be bloated, all I would want to do is EAT AND EAT AND EAT. I asked my gastro and he said, it is because my metabolism is "revving" while having a flare up trying to digest the food I wasn't properly digesting, so essentially i was eating and eating, but not reaping the benefits.

    THAT'S not your case, nor is it mine. BUT some days I'm like a ravenous wild animal and want to eat everything, SO I DO :) Our bodies are not machines and somedays we need more (maybe a lot more) fuel than others!

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    1. Amen to that girl! It's always interesting to hear what experts have to say on the subject, even though the result - saying, heck I'm hungry, let's eat the whole fridge - usually stays the same :) Merry early Christmas girly - loved your recent post on food guilt! So true and all the cookies I'm eating guilt-free are soooo yummy! :)

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  2. What you are going through is totally normal! I went through all this type of adjusting last spring and eventually your body will simmer down and things will settle to a comfortable routine. After being so sick with the mess of a first diagnosis (you know all about that) my body was just an eating machine. I think it was just my body like "wait, so this is how eating and fueling feels?! I love it!" So for a time my body was all about enjoying the benefits of eating but it's totally normal and nothing to worry about. I even had a lot of adult celiacs around me who told me to be ready for such cravings and that it's normal and that your body will get settled soon enough.

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    1. Haha thanks so much for the feedback Bethany! It's always helpful to hear about people's stories when they've been at a similar point. I hope you are having an amazing Christmas - your gluten free smores picture on Facebook was making me drool! :D

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  3. Dearest Casey, I am typing this to you while laying on my couch with my laptop on my big bloated belly full of christmas cookies-- so I feel ya, I promise! LOL. You know my history of ED struggles during recovery, and I still shed some tears when I lose a favorite pair of pants to my ever growing squat booty, but I try to remember how much I need food to do all of the things that I love to do. Those girls who don't eat usually aren't the athletes kicking the soccer ball, running miles on end, or lifting in the weight room. You love to do those things, and I think that as your body heals it is remembering that it loves to do those things too, so it's getting ready for them! You are normal in every way possible, and these are hard things to deal with, but have grace for yourself and be so proud of how far you have come. It will all even out in the end, And, if you ever need a bloated belly friend, you know who always voted to bake cookies in the kitchen ;) Eat more, lift more, run more, and love every day of it. Hugs!!

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    1. Hahahaha Kendall, this post defnitely exemplifies many of the reasons that I love you! Christmas cookies are definitely a big thing here - we are actually going to be making another batch in a couple hours, and I couldn't be more excited! ;) It has been an adjustment, but you're right - there's no better feeling than lifting a heavier weight, doing more squats or running farther than before and feeling better doing it! Hugs and kisses girly and keep having an amazing Christmas break. I can't wait to catch up after Operation Santa! ;) XOXO

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